Should I be a bridesmaid?

Q: My sister has had a difficult life, especially in the area of love, and she recently asked me to be a bridesmaid at her wedding. But this is her second wedding. She was previously married in the Catholic Church and then divorced. She never received an annulment and does not practice the Catholic faith anymore. Can I accept this invitation in good conscience? (Charleston, SC)

A: I think it’s very important that we always approach people who have suffered from a bad marriage with both compassion and honesty.

As believers, we know that God’s law and grace give order, freedom and blessing to life. At times, fol­lowing the way of God is not easy or comfortable. This happens in part be­cause God is healing our brokenness and bringing order to our fallenness.

In life, we can attempt to put bandages over our wounds but they will never recover. It’s only by allow­ing God’s grace into our souls that true reform and strength can be given.

In terms of a loved one who has stopped practicing the faith and is attempting a second marriage, we certainly have to show understanding and kindness, but we also have to be truthful and authen­tically charitable, which means we seek the good in the other person. This means we have to call the person back to the Church and to the annulment process, which can be a means of healing and pastoral care.

Such an approach may bring no immediate results but the truth has power beyond us and the affairs of this world. It may cause tension or frustration between loved ones but the eternal salvation and true hap­piness of our loved ones is worth it.

I would gently approach this con­versation with your sister. You could attend the wedding ceremony, hav­ing charitably voiced your concern beforehand, but I would discourage you from participating in the wed­ding party.

Such an active in­volvement would be dishonest in light of your faith and could be publicly misconstrued as your assent to the wedding.


Q: At what point during the Mass does the bread and wine be­come the Body and Blood of Christ? (Goose Creek, SC)

A: This is a great question that involves a beautiful and pow­erful mystery, namely, God’s presence among us.

As St. John exclaimed in his revelation: “Behold, the tabernacle of God is with man” (Rev 21:3). The question of when consecration oc­curs has a very specific answer in Western theology.

Through the ministry of an ordained priest, the Holy Spirit transubstantiates the bread and wine into the Body and Blood of Jesus Christ at the Insti­tution Narrative. As the Catechism of the Catholic Church teaches: “In the institu­tion narrative, the power of the words and the action of Christ, and the power of the Holy Spirit, make sacramentally present under the species of bread and wine Christ’s body and blood, his sacri­fice offered on the cross once for all” (#1353).

The narrative is visibly noticeable at Mass since it is marked by eleva­tions of the paten and chalice, and in many parishes by the ringing of bells.

It is worth noting that in the theology of the Eastern Catholic Churches, the transubstantiation occurs throughout the anaphora, which is the Eucharistic Prayer. This theology emphasizes the mys­terious presence and work of the Holy Spirit.

Father Jeffrey Kirby is administrator of Our Lady of Grace Church in Lancaster. Email him your questions at

About Father Jeffrey Kirby | The Catholic Miscellany 67 Articles
Father Jeffrey Kirby is pastor of Our Lady of Grace Church in Lancaster. He holds an M.A. in philosophy from Franciscan University of Steubenville and a doctorate in moral theology from Holy Cross University in Rome. Father Kirby is the author of several books including, "Lord, Teach Us to Pray" (St. Benedict Press, 2014). To learn more about him, please visit or follow him at Twitter/fatherkirby.