Keeping ashes at home

Q: In a previous column, you said that Catholics can’t scatter the ashes of loved ones be­cause they have to be preserved and shown respect. Is it possible to keep the ashes at home? I have the ashes of a loved one and it helps me to know that they’re close to me. (Greenville, SC)

A: This is a good follow-up to the previous column about scat­tering ashes. In that column, it was explained why we can’t scatter ashes. Now, it’s good to address ap­propriate locations for the place­ment of ashes. Of course, the care of our loved ones’ remains is a sacred duty for the Christian. As believ­ers in the Lord’s Incarnation and Resurrection, we esteem the respect of our bodies and the bodily remains of our loved ones.

While there’s great compassion for someone who wants to keep their deceased loved ones close, it’s worth emphasizing the dignity of our loved one’s body. Such a dignity does not seem fully recog­nized or cherished by placing them in a private home.

As Christians, the proper resting place for our loved ones is on conse­crated ground, namely, a Catholic cemetery, parish columbarium or a gravesite blessed by a Catholic priest or deacon. This allows the bodies of our loved ones to be fully honored, as well as for prayers to be offered for them by the entire com­munity.


Q: Recently my daughter was engaged. We’ve planned for the wedding at a local outside venue. Our priest, however, refuses to do the ceremony there. He insists that the wedding has to be in the church. Could you explain this to me? (Charlotte, NC)

A: Congratulations to your daugh­ter and family! The nuptial cel­ebration is one of the highest, happiest, and most sacred moments in a Christian’s life. In fact, it’s so holy that the Church obliges the faithful to be mar­ried in a consecrat­ed Catholic house of worship, in front of a Catholic priest or deacon, and within a Catholic nuptial ceremony. Only for serious reasons could a bishop allow for an exception.

It’s for this reason that the Church directs nuptial ceremonies to be celebrated within a church. It excludes certain venues, such as golf courses, country clubs, hotels, beach resorts, etc. As believers, the exchanging of vows should be given in front of an altar, since that is where the Eucha­rist is celebrated in which the Lord Jesus fulfills his vow to us: “I will not leave you as or­phans; I will come to you.” (Jn 14:18).

Your priest is be­ing a good shepherd to your daughter and future son-in-law. He wants the best for them and for their nuptial cer­emony.


Q: I was always taught to bow my head at the name of Jesus. I don’t see people doing that nowadays. Have we lost respect for the Holy Name? (Bluff­ton, SC)

A: The practice of bowing one’s head at the name of Jesus is still recommended by the Church, especially during the celebration of the Mass. The custom has been relatively neglected in re­cent times. Some of this is due to a change of culture that no longer fo­cuses on external acts of deference. This change does not necessarily indicate a lack of respect, although neglecting external expressions can cause harm to our devotional lives and the emphasis of this custom should be reintroduced.


Father Jeffrey Kirby is administrator of Our Lady of Grace Church in Lancaster. Email him your questions at

About Father Jeffrey Kirby | The Catholic Miscellany 67 Articles
Father Jeffrey Kirby is pastor of Our Lady of Grace Church in Lancaster. He holds an M.A. in philosophy from Franciscan University of Steubenville and a doctorate in moral theology from Holy Cross University in Rome. Father Kirby is the author of several books including, "Lord, Teach Us to Pray" (St. Benedict Press, 2014). To learn more about him, please visit or follow him at Twitter/fatherkirby.